One of the biggest inspirations behind this blog is the way I see many of the women around me operate when it comes to the men in their lives. It is extremely frustrating to watch the women close to me become senseless and completely unrecognizable because they don't know how to continue to be the strong, amazing women I know they are, despite the men they are involved with. I know one girl whose man 'engaged' her for 10 years and is still not married to this day, one who didn't finish school because when she should have been in class, she was with her boyfriend who also dropped out of school, another who is with her man just so she doesn't have to be alone or because she thinks she can't do better, and yet another who is so absorbed and consumed by the relationship that she has lost herself and has become a completely different person. These are all big no no's in a life of self-love, esteem, regard, confidence and sufficiency. The relationships we maintain with others, namely our love relationships with the opposite sex, should only provoke positivity and supplement our lives, not take away from or diminish it. A man should never define you or change you. He should never be the source of negativity in your life in any manner. A man should compliment the person you are and he should be there to uplift and encourage you. Being with him should elicit the better version of yourself and dismiss the lesser person you become by living under his shadow.
You cant love someone or receive love if you don't first love yourself is something I'm sure we've heard over and over again and will continue to hear due to the theme of this blog, and I know it sounds cliche and maybe even a little off topic but I assure you, these words couldn't be more fitting. A part of loving yourself is being confident in the person you are, as well as knowing your value as a human being and essentially as a woman. A confident woman maintains the content of her character notwithstanding changing variables in her life (i.e. love relationships). The women I described earlier, lack self-confidence, self-love and substance. A woman who knows her worth wouldn't let a man engage her and string her along for years in an ambiguous and insecure relationship. She wouldn't let him put her on 'layaway' (as my pastor would say), because she knows that she deserves more than an empty, lifeless promise. If the young girl who put her life on hold to 'be with' her boyfriend truly loved herself, she would recognize that no man should be an impediment to her success and her future. She wouldn't be with someone who didn't encourage her to do better and be better. Moreover, she would be her own motivation and encouragement, despite her boyfriend's lack thereof. A woman who loves herself and knows her worth, knows that she doesn't need a man and is comfortable being alone until she finds one that will treat her right. She doesn't rely on a man to make her life complete. Finally, a women who loves herself does not seek definition, approval or verification from a man. She knows that she has a right to be herself and to be an individual in the relationship and in spite of the relationship. She also appreciates the idea that a man should enhance and strengthen the great person that she already is.
I completely understand the power of love and its ability to totally make us crazy. I am a woman and I've been there; done that. But we cannot let it govern our lives to the point where we no longer know who we are and we become lost. That isn't true love. If you forget the person you are while in a relationship you will end up resenting the person rather than loving them. Alternately, the person doesn't truly love you if they stifle your true character and if they don't allow you to be yourself. There is a healthy way to love and receive love and it starts with loving yourself.
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