One thing I find so funny about life is its ability to really give you perspective; to really change you. A few years ago, I was convinced and very confident in the person I was, until I endured some hard, pressing, life changing experiences that drastically reformed me and changed my entire impression and view of life. I'm sure the details of what I went through will come about at some point through this blog, if it hasn't already, but for now I just want you to understand the immeasurable extent to which I was affected by my life occurrences and circumstances. I became a totally different person. Before I knew it, the person I was from birth up until I was about 23 years old was no more. I guess that's how life works though. You go through things, you evolve, you learn, you grow; you change. This life, and everything I have been through up until this point has taught me so much. I am very grateful for each experience both good and bad because the sum of my experiences is my very being; the design of the woman I am today. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing, as I am extremely proud of the woman I have become. I am proud of my journey and very proud of and passionate about my story. The road to this very moment has been difficult and challenging but those are the experiences I have grown to really appreciate because it made me the strong, uncompromising woman I am today.
I was knocked off a high horse, forced to grow up and to be realistic. One of the hardest and biggest lessons I had to learn was how to not be so critical of others and eventually, how not to be so critical of myself. I'll be completely honest with you guys, I used to be the first person to pass judgement on someone who didn't do things the way I would do them and who ultimately didn't measure up to the 'Gunnis' standard until circumstances hit me to the point where not even I measured up to my own standards. Funny how life works. I'd tell my friend she was crazy for getting involved with a man with kids, until I fell in love with a man who had a daughter. My next girl was stupid because she got back together with her ex who hurt her, until I ended up in the same situation. I remember going on and on about a 'Christian' girl who was 'wildin out' at a party until I became that same 'church girl' right in the center of the dance floor. It was easy for me to judge them because I was so far removed from anything they were going through. At the time, no one I knew had kids, I was hell bent on the idea that if a man hurt me in any way I would be done with him forever, and I hadn't even been to a club, party or dance in my entire life, so of course it was easy to judge. Judgement is so effortless when you haven't been in the shoes of the person you're judging. I learned this lesson the hard way but I am so glad I learned it. I feel bad when I think of all the people I may have deliberately or unknowingly pointed the finger at. If you are reading, I do sincerely apologize.
Eventually, I ended up on the receiving end of the judgement which just drilled the lesson into my head even further. There was a period in my life where rumors about me and misleading versions of my story were being thrown around from every direction. I sat and listened to my good name literally being dragged through the mud. I was in the hot seat, and I'm letting you guys know, its the worst seat to sit in. You feel hopeless and powerless, like it's impossible to get people to understand where you're coming from even if you're shouting it at the top of your lungs. I felt like the walls were closing in on me with no hope for escape. Suddenly, I remembered all the people I had put in hot seat with my injudicious attitude, and I vowed never to pass judgement on another person ever again.
The thing about judgement is that it can be quite involuntary. You don't even know you're doing it. But there are a few things I want to leave with you today. The obvious is, don't be so quick to judge. People are always gonna be doing things that you don't necessarily approve of, but there is a story behind everything and you may not know how a person got to a certain point or why they do what they do. Don't assume you'd handle a certain situation differently because you really don't know unless you're faced with the same situation. You don't know and you cant know unless you've been there. The saying, "don't judge a book by its cover," doesn't only apply to books, it also applies to people. You cant know the full story at first glance. Secondly and more indistinctively, there is a correct and mature way to handle being on the receiving end of the judgement. Remember when I told you I love the story of my life? Well, I didnt always. I hated myself for some of the silly mistakes I made, and I wanted so very much to just erase it all and go back in time. I hated that people had a certain impression of me that was far from the actual truth. What I had to learn was that my mistakes were inevitable, people make mistakes, and no one is perfect. Yes, I have done things in my past that I am not proud of but the important thing is that I learned from all my mistakes. I also learned (as I think I shared in an earlier post) not to let what other people think of me bother me, because the truth is they dont know the whole story. People will always judge and people will always talk, but only God knows the content of your heart, He knows the motive behind each thought and action (1 Chronicles 28:9), and He knows where each piece of the puzzle of your life fits.
I'm happy that my story has begun to unfold since I started writing this blog and that I can use this forum to not only give some insight into my life and the person I am, but to give some perspective to my readers and hopefully teach something. The goal, as you know is self-love and self-esteem and although I didn't talk much about it directly in this post, just know that the moral is there and will be there in every post I write. Self-love includes things like moving on and growing from past mistakes, not being critical of yourself and others and appreciating your life and your experiences both good and bad. So with that said, I thank you for reading and I hope that you have taken something positive from what I have shared today.
No comments:
Post a Comment