One Thought...

Every young girl has a vision for her life; a lot of that vision looking much like a fairy tale. We dream to be sucessful, meet the love of our lives, get married, start a family and live happily ever after. Although some are lucky enough to live out their fairy tale with seemingly little effort, not all are as fortunate. It's this thing called life. It has a strange way of just happening regardless of how we envisioned or planned it. As a young girl when I pictured myself having kids, I didn't picture being single. I pictured a family; a husband. One who would be thrilled of the news of my pregnancy. One who would be there for me through the hardships, challenges and emotional roller coasters of pregnancy. I pictured myself pleading with a loving husband to find me those random cravings of birthday cake and chicken wings with hot sauce in those random hours of the night. I pictured sharing the excitement of preparing for a baby, the shopping, the setting up of the baby room; all that fun stuff with my partner beside me. I didn't however anticipate being told to have an abortion and being called selfish for not obliging. I didn't picture laying in hospital beds alone in the middle of the night crying, scared, and forsaken. Unfortunately my current reality isn't everything I've dreamed of but the difference between myself and others is that I haven't given up on the dream or what I know my life can be. I want to encourage you as I share this part of my story, not to give up on your dreams no matter how far off the path life has taken you. Ladies, hold on to your fairy tale.

It's easy to give up when over and over again you end up hurt. Heartbreak, betrayal, emotional damage, sexual abuse, you name it, women have gone through it, but we have a choice to stay down or get back up. One of the characteristics of a strong, self loving woman is her resilience. Nothing can keep her down no matter how bad it may be. I was listening to Bishop TD Jakes one morning before church and I just had to pull out my laptop and start writing. He touched on the very thing that sums up this entire blog and that's the power and significance of the mind, your thoughts, and more specifically, how you view yourself. He said, the one thing that can deliver an alcoholic out of alcoholism is one thought: how he thinks of himself. I thought this to be so powerful and so profound. Imagine, something as simple as a thought can curve a disease as strong and as dominating as alcoholism. The same goes for any circumstance or situation. What is the one thing that can get me out of my present situation? What's the one thing that can heal an emotionally damaged and broken woman? It's one thought. It's how you perceive yourself. Do you love yourself enough to see beyond the perameters of your present situation? Are you courageous enough to get back up after being put down and let down?

When I think about where life has taken me and I see how far I am from my dreams and vision for my life, I don't get sad or discouraged. I love myself too much to settle. I know what I am worth and what I deserve in this life. A temporary man isn't one of them. The past 9 months (no matter how happy I've been) isn't it. I'm worth more. I haven't given up on my fairy tale. Don't give up on yours. Don't give up on life, on love, on your future. I don't care what the circumstances are, better is in store for you as long as you want better; as long as you think better. All those things that you pictured your life to be, it can still happen for you as long as you cultivate and nurture your mind. Think beyond what you see now and you will have your happy ending.

Beauty, Brains, or Both?

Can we love ourselves in excess? I believe we can have an excess of anything, but as with everything in life, too much of a good thing can become dangerous. I have come across many instances where an overabundance of self love quickly, and imperceptibly, becomes vanity, conceit, and sheer narcissism. There is no question that we are living in an increasingly narcissistic generation, and I see this egotism and hunger for admiration and attention, predominantly among our young girls. The girls I come across have mentalities that are so immature; thinking that beauty and the love of sex is somehow what makes the world go around; they are delusional, naive and simply don't have a clue. Even sadder are the ones with very little self esteem; the ones who need, depend on, and crave the attention of their peers in order to feel even an ounce of self worth. There is an obvious outcry for love and attention that needs to be addressed. The attention solicited as a result of what these girls are putting out there in this social age, is in fact harmful as opposed to beneficial; it's the reason why some of these girls experience hurt and disappointment and the irony of it all is that they have no one to blame but themselves.

Since the start of this blog I have been preaching self love and self esteem, and my position hasn't changed. I want girls to love themselves and love their bodies as well as to embrace their experience as young women in such a perplexed society, but I want to bring to your attention some of the different behaviors I see where self love is abused and tainted. I see girls posting their provocative pictures all over twitter, facebook, BBM and every other social network you can think of; flaunting their naked bodies to every ogling eye. Every picture, every tweet, every status update saturated with sex and sexuality. No intelligent thing is coming out of these girls' mouths; everything is sex sex sex with them. Where are the girls talking about the interesting course they are taking, or the inspirational book they just read? It's depressing to see the lack of substance and quality of the girls in this day and age. These are the same girls who complain that there are no good men; all they get are dogs and assholes. You think?

I'm not saying it's wrong for a young lady to embrace her sexuality or to be open about discussing sex. In fact, I commend your sexual assurance, but I am a strong advocate in the idea that there is a time and a place for everything. I am an equally strong believer that woman should carry themselves with class and dignity. This includes speaking tastefully and intelligently. If everything that comes out of your mouth is sexually charged, then where is the essence and fabric behind your being? Ok, maybe the love of sex is a part of your personality, because I know some of y'all are gonna argue that, but at least balance it out a little, share something thoughtful, give some enlightening or uplifting advice, share the depth of your character, your kind heart, your intelligence or whatever it is that makes you an outstanding person. You've heard me say it many times before, I know you have it in you. I find it hard to believe that sex is all you're about.

Another thing I see is girls dressing so scanty they may as well have left their house in a bra and panty. Cover up! The world doesn't need to see your ass and breasts. As a matter of fact, with clothes on, it is still unmistakable that they exist so I am not understanding what all the nakedness is for. Furthermore, stop with the getting naked in front of your mirrors, snapping pics of yourself in the bare minimum with your phones and posting them on every social site for the entire world to see. 5:10, so and so changed display picture, 5:15, so and so changed display picture, 5:20, so and so changed display picture; each picture, a plethora of ass, breasts, pouting lips and tongues hanging out as if you are dogs. Are we that bored? I know they say sex sells but y'all aren't prostitutes! Stop selling your bodies and start selling your minds for a change. This kind of behavior is empty foolishness, which in tern attracts empty individuals who care only for what they can see on the outside and nothing about the content of the character inside. You can`t complain that all you come across are assholes when all you're giving the world is your body. When Tom, Dick and Harry know what 90% of your body looks like, just based on what you show them in pictures or how you dress to go out, what is left for your husband? Is 10% really all you're giving him because of the mere fact he's seen it all before on facebook? Come on! Let's get real.

The interesting thing is that it's the pretty girls behaving like this. I know how it is. You already get negative attention just by being pretty and you`re just adding to the negative attention by putting it all out there. All these girls have left to do is take off what little clothes they have left on and give to these men what all their pictures and statuses say they're willing to give. Some of these girls are banking on their good looks; thinking their pretty face is what's gonna get them by; not knowing that a pretty face and bangin' body is void if there's nothing to back it. These behaviors scream insecurity at a volume so deafening that it hurts. One may disguise it as the self love I've elaborated on in previous posts, but in actuality, this behavior is quite the opposite. It shows a lack of love and respect for yourself and it shows that there is much growing up to do and a lot of insecurity issues to tackle. What are you afraid of by showing another dimension of yourself? Is it that you're not going to get as much attention? You'd be surprised at the positive attention you will attract from men who appreciate both brains and beauty, men who are looking for a classy, sophisticated women, men who are turned on by your intelligence and not by your stupid half naked profile picture, men who like women who simply have respect for themselves. In my opinion the positive attention is way better than the negative.

Ladies, it's simple. Beauty will only take you so far. Pair that beauty with brains and see the world that it opens up for you. I'll share with you my personal philosophy to help get you started with this change today. After cleaning up your social atmosphere and in essentially your mouths, aim for a life that is edifying to not only yourself but to others. Leave your mark on the people you come across with things that matter and are meaningful. Allow your beauty to be more than skin deep.

Encourage Yourself

"You are NOTHING!"

Even though I'd laugh at anyone who said these words to me today, I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge the potency and the power these words have, and the impact they had on me when the words came out of my own mother's mouth towards me. I'd laugh out loud had it been anyone else (cause' hello! I'm fabulous), but hearing my mother tell me I am nothing, I could only laugh on the inside.

Let me give you some background information and share yet another piece of the puzzle and another part of my story. I was raised in a single parent home. My mother was raising 3 kids, by 3 different absent fathers, on her own. I grew up thinking I didn't have a father; my mother was all I knew and she was everything to me. In terms of being there for her kids to provide for them, nourish and clothe them, and ultimately taking care of her responsibilities as a mother, she was superwoman in my eyes. Till this very day I don't know how she did it alone and I have nothing but respect and gratitude for everything she did for us growing up. As the years went on, I don't know how to explain it, not even to myself, what exactly went wrong, but all I know is that we needed a mother, not just someone to feed, clothe, and put a roof over our heads, but someone to talk to and confide in, someone to support and encourage us. That we didn't have. I remember her marrying a stranger and not even telling us about it or asking for our opinion. When that went sour, she blamed her kids for ruining her marriage. My mother will be 50 this year but looks as though she is maybe 35, with no effort on her part, but I sincerely feel like she forgot her year of birth as she rivals with her daughters as if she was our peer. She tells us that we are jealous of her because she looks young and gets attention from men. She told me once that I was jealous because she had a man and I didn't. LOL. I just have to laugh, but mostly I shake my head because these aren't the words a mother should tell her child. EVER. I love my mother and I know that if I had time to tell you the entire story, you'd ask me why? But how do you not love the woman who was there for you your entire life, who sacrificed so much to take care of her 3 children with very little help? It's a love I cannot help. I don't blame my mother entirely for her shortcomings because I am smart enough to know that she is a damaged and insecure woman. She's the kind of woman I write so passionately about in this blog and work so fervently to help with every word that I write. The brief history I just shared isn't even a quarter of the entire story and it isn't even really what I wanted to write about because it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but I believe it to be a good introduction to help you to grasp and really appreciate what it is that I actually want to tell you today.

Sometimes, you have to encourage yourself. I got really sick of being put down and written off and feeling like I wasnt good enough. It came from my mother, it came from my father not being there, it came from every man who ever hurt me, it came from teachers or leaders at church telling me that I'd never amount to anything. I had to tell myself that they don't know what they're talking about. I WILL be SOMETHING! I AM good enough. And look at me now. No, I'm not exactly where I want to be but I know within my hearts of hearts that this young girl who is sitting here typing away is destined to GREAT! I had to tell myself that and believe it with all my heart. I had to encourage myself.

There are too many people out there with no confidence, low self esteem and very little belief in themselves. Poor parenting is a contributing factor. It isn't enough to just support a child financially, you need to act as a parent and be there for your kids emotionally to encourage them. Men who misuse and mistreat women are to be held responsible as well. You use and discard women not realizing the damage and scarring you leave behind. People in roles of leadership are to held accountable also. Everyone has a role to play; everyone needs to do their part, including yourself.

Somehow in my life I was deprived of these positive figures, but the bible says that when your mother and father forsake you, the lord will raise you up (Psalms 27:10). These are words that I held close to my heart as a child and even to this day. I don't know what your situation is and there are so many reasons why we may feel discouraged and worthless, but I want you to know today that "you are SOMETHING!" It isn't the end of the world if you don't have someone who believes in you. God believes in you and although we may not know each other, I believe in you. You may not have someone to love and encourage you, so I counsel you to love and encourage yourself. Be your own personal cheerleader. Encourage yourself everyday. Say to yourself, I am great, gorgeous, talented and fabulous (again, thank you Marianne Williamson!), I AM good enough, I AM worth it, and I LOVE me.

You Saw In Me What You Don't Deserve

So I have this friend. No, scratch that, he's not a friend, he's more of a jerk than he is a friend. I dont even know why I still talk to this guy. But, long story short, for the purposes of this post: boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Boy appears to like girl. Girl gets hurt. The end. Story of my life. Whatever. Anyways, for reasons beyond what I will ever be able to understand, we still talk (minus any feelings whatsover, unless you include feelings of disgust...lol). Over the years we've developed this sort of warped 'friendship' where we're constantly getting at eachother, making fun of each other, name calling, the works. None of our conversations are serious. At the end of the day it's all fun and games. He can be really mean, but I've become accustomed to his crude humor and I've brushed off the worst of comments. Lately our conversations haven't been much fun. I'm beginning to sense he means what he says, disguising it as a joke, and i was convinced of this lastnight when he said, "I dont know what I saw in you." Now, I'm used to him being mean, he's probably said worse, but I cant lie, this one stung. If he was joking, I certainly didn't get it. After the quick, sharp pain his words left, I laughed at the familiarity of the words, as it is something I ponder about him all the time. So as I ended the conversation, I gave myself the space I needed to figure out how I felt about what he had said before popping off on him. I decided that he wasn't worth the energy and the wit I would have mustered up to tell him about his parts...lmao. The first thing that came to mind after getting off the phone with him was that he saw in me what he knows he doesn't deserve....a Queen. As soon as the thought entered my mind, I began to write. The initial sting of his words were there, I wont deny that, but I was over it immediately, his words having absolutely no effect on me other than inspiring me to write. As a matter of fact, I was sort of thankful to him because I wasn't sure where my next post was coming from and suddenly, there it was, I had it. Shout out to him and all douchebags and assholes for their ability to inspire good blog writing...lol. I thought about all the women out there who would take a comment like this to heart and let it get them down. I want to encourage you today. The reason I was able to brush off his comment so easily is because I dont care what he or anyone else thinks of me. The reason I've been able to open up and speak so truthfully in this blog about the things that have happened to me and the mistakes I have made is for the very same reason. I am completely confident in myself. The negativity of others has no effect on me other than empowerment. I am better for people like him. What matters in this situation is how I feel about myself, and as far as I am concerned, I am a beautiful, strong, loving woman who any man would be lucky to have. No one can convince me otherwise. From reading this blog, we can conclude that I've reached a sort of enlightenment as my new friend Malik Yoba put it.

I would like for you to be enlightened as well. I thought of a story I had heard as a child where a poor boy meets a Princess but doesn't realize she's royalty. They fall in love, but as soon as he finds out she's the Princess, he shies away and revokes his love for her. She loves him but he doesn't feel like he's deserving of her because he is a commoner, or maybe he's scared to be with someone of such high stature and so he ends their relationship. This story can very much be compared to my story or even your situation today. Men are intimidated by good women, so when they encounter one they dont know what to do, so they mistreat and retreat. Maybe someone you like doesn't like you back, or someone said nasty things about you. Dont hold your head down. There's going to come a time where someone will see you for everything you're worth and they will cherish you. That guy who said bad things about you is only doing that to cover his own insecurities. Do not give weight to his or anyone's negative opinions of you. Give substance and life to the opinion you have of yourself. Do you love yourself? If you do, you don't care what anyone thinks. Everyone is entitled to their opinion; you just keep it moving. An insecure person would feel the need to further entertain that conversation and in a way try to prove a point or prove themselves worthy. You dont need to do all of that. That person isn't even worth your time or energy. I know it isnt the simplest thing to just not care what people think of you, but the key is to be confident in yourself, accept yourself for who you are, as well as know how to control your emotions. If you get these things under control, you'll be fine. I love myself enough to know that homeboy doesn't deserve me or any girl like me. He deserves to be treated the way he treats women. This attitude has got me through tons of heartbreak and disappointment and with it, no one can get you down or bring you down. So my queens; my good women, if you've ever been hurt by someone's words or a man doesn't want you or love you like you love him, don't sweat it, you're worth so much that their opinion of you means so little.

The Road to Healing

As promised, I want to further discuss what we've been talking about thus far. I really got at my men in the last post, but women, you are not off the hook. No one knows more than me what it's like to be hurt and heartbroken. I wrote with a lot of passion and sympathy for my women because I myself have experienced some of the things I talk about in the last post. I find myself to be often misunderstood by men. For some reason, they see a pretty face and assume I'm easy. This frustrates me more than my words can explain. Just a few weekends ago a guy tried to get me to do shit with him outside a party. I was so disgusted and upset. Why me? What is it about me that makes men think I am just willing to sleep with them? It's upsetting to think about. I have been misused, mislead and mistreated all because men have acted upon preconceived notions based upon my appearance. It is beyond me why men do this. Many times I have ended up hurt because I approached a new relationship innocent and with the best of intentions but also without much thought, only to later realize the other person's motives were undesirable and tasteless. Thinking back, some of the things I have been through could be scenes right out of the most disturbing, heart-wrenching drama. It's crazy. Anyways, I could blame the men who lead me on (and clearly I do), but I would be wrong not to look within myself to see where I went wrong and believe me, I did. I went wrong so many times.

A man once called me naive and when he said it, I knew exactly why and I couldn't even disagree with him. I was naive. I was one of those misinformed girls who believed that even the slightest expression of interest was always genuine. As a result, I have come to understand brokenness. I am familiar with hurt and pain caused by these shameless men, paired with my own naivety. I understand the gaping hole that is left in your heart when you figure out your father didn't love you enough to stay with you or that a man only wanted you for sex. I understand that hurtful yearning for love that just seems so impossible to find. I could have easily accepted defeat and given up on love and essentially on myself, but I came to a point in my life where I had to mend myself, teach myself and pick myself up. I had to look to God to restore me and to be whatever it is I felt was missing in my life. I couldn't continue to make bad decisions that only left me hurt, alone and confused. I made a choice to be healed and do better. I believe it takes a strong woman to work through the hurt of her past, to brush off the dirt and the muck and to unveil the good woman; that diamond underneath for the world to see.

There were so many moments in my life where I almost didn't get up. I said, "I hate men!" and I blamed that attitude on my father for leaving me and not being there for me. I blamed my mother for my timid nature. My inability to say 'no' sometimes was simply because I couldn't. I didn't have it within me. Thankfully I did get up and I stopped blaming others and started making better decisions for myself. Ladies, if you have been where I've been, I want you to get up and do the same. Stop using your pain and hurt as an excuse to do stupid things you're only going to end up regretting. Stop letting men treat you like shit. Carry yourself in a respectable manner at all times. Stop sleeping around, because in 2011 love doesn't mean sex and sex doesn't mean love. Let your actions prove the rumors and name calling and labeling wrong. Instead of walking into situations you know can only end badly, walk away from them. When I was at that party and I walked away from that disgusting man, I walked away a proud woman because I know where I am coming from and I know the agony that could have resulted had I not chosen to walk away. You too can have proud moments. Learn to say no, learn to walk away from situations that can only lead to more hurt, pain and disappointment. Don't wait for someone to come along and help you up. Get up girl! Wipe those tears; brush off the dirt. I know you can do it! Love yourself enough to do it! Finally, never lose faith in love and never stop loving yourself because that love for yourself is where you are going to find the strength to travel the road to healing.

This Is For My Men

My last post was a little long but the topic of judgement is quite dense and can be approached from so many different angles, so I decided that I'd like to further elaborate on this topic by addressing the men. A lot of men are guilty of some very harsh judgement and labeling of women. Did you know that the girl you see hopping from bed to bed...you know...the one you're calling a hoe? Well she was actually raped as a child and now feels that she is no longer of any worth. She feels valueless and fails to see the necessity in preserving and respecting her own body, a moral and standard that was stripped away from her after being so cruelly violated. What about the girl you are calling a slut? She is actually mirroring and acting the way she saw her young mother act while she was growing up. She doesn't know any better because she was never taught any better, as the mother was only a baby herself. She also grew up fatherless and is yearning for love from a man she didn't receive as a little girl. Every time she gets in bed with a man it is not to fulfill her sexual desires, because the truth is, all she can think about is falling in love and being loved in return. She is naive and believes that by sleeping with the likes of you, she will receive love, and she regrets it every single time she realizes that that is not the case. These women are broken and lost; they need to find their way. Sluts and hoes, as you so ignorantly call them are women who are usually scarred and in need of serious emotional repair. Do you still think she deserves the title you've given her?

I am not justifying the behavior of these women in any way but I am asking, on their behalf, for a little understanding. You want nothing to do with her because in your head, she cant possibly be 'wifey' material and she doesn't have class or self-respect. These are the women who get used and abused, tossed aside; overlooked. You discredit her before even giving her a chance or before taking the time to find out that she is actually a phenomenal woman with a good heart. Unfortunately, she has experienced things that have changed her and have scarred her and she didn't have the support system she needed at a young age that would have instilled in her the morals contrary to the behavior you classify as slutty. Yes, her actions may be due to lack of self-love and self-respect, however, it is not fair for you to judge her to the extent that you do without grounds to do so.

One thing that upsets me is the way you guys class her and still use her at the same time. She's a slut and she's a hoe yet you're still willing to have sex with her? I don't understand it. You guys facilitate the name calling and labeling by sleeping with her and running off to tell your little friends how you got what you wanted from her and they should get in line. It's disgusting! Women are governed by emotion and a lot of the reason they give up the goods is because they genuinely have feelings for the man who lead them to believe he had a deeper motive than just sex. Stop leading women on and calling women whores in the same breath. How is that fair? And frankly, why would you went want to sleep with a so called 'whore'? You seem to talk about them with so much disdain yet ya'll are the ones creating them by sleeping with them. I shake my head at this vicious cycle.

Honestly, men need to do better. You can't discount a women because of her past. You wouldnt like it if it was done to you. First, take the time to get to know her and learn about her before making your decision about her. You have a crucial role when it comes to the women you encounter regardless of their alleged sexual behavior. In my opinion, you are here to strengthen and uplift, not to break down or disrespect. Sometimes these women are so broken that a lot of what they do is to try and cope with the pain of being hurt, or simply because they weren't taught. All some of these women need sometimes is someone to show them the right way and to restore them from brokenness. Although I'd argue (and I think I just might in my next post), that it takes a great woman to overcome her past misfortunes on her own, I still believe a good man can be a source of positivity in her life. To me, it takes a great man to overlook a woman's past and to uplift and really support and expedite healing and mend brokenheartedness. I think it takes an even greater man to put away their dicks sometimes and stop some of these fast women in their tracks. But I'm obviously living in an fantasy world.

Some of these women dont believe in love anymore because of, not only men but even other women who discount and degrade them over and over for their unfavorable actions. These women need to be loved despite their flaws and past mistakes, someone to remind them of their value. A good man...a real man, has the power to do this. I feel there is a greater responsibility placed on men to assist in the change and shift in mentalities among young people in our society today. I am pushing for more self-respecting and self-loving women and I admonish you to play your role in this movement toward a healthier tomorrow.

I'll leave you with this thought. Men, one day you're going to want that specific girl who wasn't perfect. Maybe she slept with a few men, or lacks self-respect now, but all she ever wanted was to be there for you and to love you. The girl who sees your flaws but values and appreciates them and doesn't judge you for them. The girl who cant bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it, who realized she may never have your heart but will carry the memory of you with her in her heart forever. When you do realize that this is the girl you've been looking for, it will be too late because she going to be with the man who already knew her value despite her imperfections.

On Judgement

One thing I find so funny about life is its ability to really give you perspective; to really change you. A few years ago, I was convinced and very confident in the person I was, until I endured some hard, pressing, life changing experiences that drastically reformed me and changed my entire impression and view of life. I'm sure the details of what I went through will come about at some point through this blog, if it hasn't already, but for now I just want you to understand the immeasurable extent to which I was affected by my life occurrences and circumstances. I became a totally different person. Before I knew it, the person I was from birth up until I was about 23 years old was no more. I guess that's how life works though. You go through things, you evolve, you learn, you grow; you change. This life, and everything I have been through up until this point has taught me so much. I am very grateful for each experience both good and bad because the sum of my experiences is my very being; the design of the woman I am today. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing, as I am extremely proud of the woman I have become. I am proud of my journey and very proud of and passionate about my story. The road to this very moment has been difficult and challenging but those are the experiences I have grown to really appreciate because it made me the strong, uncompromising woman I am today.

I was knocked off a high horse, forced to grow up and to be realistic. One of the hardest and biggest lessons I had to learn was how to not be so critical of others and eventually, how not to be so critical of myself. I'll be completely honest with you guys, I used to be the first person to pass judgement on someone who didn't do things the way I would do them and who ultimately didn't measure up to the 'Gunnis' standard until circumstances hit me to the point where not even I measured up to my own standards. Funny how life works. I'd tell my friend she was crazy for getting involved with a man with kids, until I fell in love with a man who had a daughter. My next girl was stupid because she got back together with her ex who hurt her, until I ended up in the same situation. I remember going on and on about a 'Christian' girl who was 'wildin out' at a party until I became that same 'church girl' right in the center of the dance floor. It was easy for me to judge them because I was so far removed from anything they were going through. At the time, no one I knew had kids, I was hell bent on the idea that if a man hurt me in any way I would be done with him forever, and I hadn't even been to a club, party or dance in my entire life, so of course it was easy to judge. Judgement is so effortless when you haven't been in the shoes of the person you're judging. I learned this lesson the hard way but I am so glad I learned it. I feel bad when I think of all the people I may have deliberately or unknowingly pointed the finger at. If you are reading, I do sincerely apologize.

Eventually, I ended up on the receiving end of the judgement which just drilled the lesson into my head even further. There was a period in my life where rumors about me and misleading versions of my story were being thrown around from every direction. I sat and listened to my good name literally being dragged through the mud. I was in the hot seat, and I'm letting you guys know, its the worst seat to sit in. You feel hopeless and powerless, like it's impossible to get people to understand where you're coming from even if you're shouting it at the top of your lungs. I felt like the walls were closing in on me with no hope for escape. Suddenly, I remembered all the people I had put in hot seat with my injudicious attitude, and I vowed never to pass judgement on another person ever again.

The thing about judgement is that it can be quite involuntary. You don't even know you're doing it. But there are a few things I want to leave with you today. The obvious is, don't be so quick to judge. People are always gonna be doing things that you don't necessarily approve of, but there is a story behind everything and you may not know how a person got to a certain point or why they do what they do. Don't assume you'd handle a certain situation differently because you really don't know unless you're faced with the same situation. You don't know and you cant know unless you've been there. The saying, "don't judge a book by its cover," doesn't only apply to books, it also applies to people. You cant know the full story at first glance. Secondly and more indistinctively, there is a correct and mature way to handle being on the receiving end of the judgement. Remember when I told you I love the story of my life? Well, I didnt always. I hated myself for some of the silly mistakes I made, and I wanted so very much to just erase it all and go back in time. I hated that people had a certain impression of me that was far from the actual truth. What I had to learn was that my mistakes were inevitable, people make mistakes, and no one is perfect. Yes, I have done things in my past that I am not proud of but the important thing is that I learned from all my mistakes. I also learned (as I think I shared in an earlier post) not to let what other people think of me bother me, because the truth is they dont know the whole story. People will always judge and people will always talk, but only God knows the content of your heart, He knows the motive behind each thought and action (1 Chronicles 28:9), and He knows where each piece of the puzzle of your life fits.

I'm happy that my story has begun to unfold since I started writing this blog and that I can use this forum to not only give some insight into my life and the person I am, but to give some perspective to my readers and hopefully teach something. The goal, as you know is self-love and self-esteem and although I didn't talk much about it directly in this post, just know that the moral is there and will be there in every post I write. Self-love includes things like moving on and growing from past mistakes, not being critical of yourself and others and appreciating your life and your experiences both good and bad. So with that said, I thank you for reading and I hope that you have taken something positive from what I have shared today.