So I have this friend. No, scratch that, he's not a friend, he's more of a jerk than he is a friend. I dont even know why I still talk to this guy. But, long story short, for the purposes of this post: boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Boy appears to like girl. Girl gets hurt. The end. Story of my life. Whatever. Anyways, for reasons beyond what I will ever be able to understand, we still talk (minus any feelings whatsover, unless you include feelings of disgust...lol). Over the years we've developed this sort of warped 'friendship' where we're constantly getting at eachother, making fun of each other, name calling, the works. None of our conversations are serious. At the end of the day it's all fun and games. He can be really mean, but I've become accustomed to his crude humor and I've brushed off the worst of comments. Lately our conversations haven't been much fun. I'm beginning to sense he means what he says, disguising it as a joke, and i was convinced of this lastnight when he said, "I dont know what I saw in you." Now, I'm used to him being mean, he's probably said worse, but I cant lie, this one stung. If he was joking, I certainly didn't get it. After the quick, sharp pain his words left, I laughed at the familiarity of the words, as it is something I ponder about him all the time. So as I ended the conversation, I gave myself the space I needed to figure out how I felt about what he had said before popping off on him. I decided that he wasn't worth the energy and the wit I would have mustered up to tell him about his parts...lmao. The first thing that came to mind after getting off the phone with him was that he saw in me what he knows he doesn't deserve....a Queen. As soon as the thought entered my mind, I began to write. The initial sting of his words were there, I wont deny that, but I was over it immediately, his words having absolutely no effect on me other than inspiring me to write. As a matter of fact, I was sort of thankful to him because I wasn't sure where my next post was coming from and suddenly, there it was, I had it. Shout out to him and all douchebags and assholes for their ability to inspire good blog writing...lol. I thought about all the women out there who would take a comment like this to heart and let it get them down. I want to encourage you today. The reason I was able to brush off his comment so easily is because I dont care what he or anyone else thinks of me. The reason I've been able to open up and speak so truthfully in this blog about the things that have happened to me and the mistakes I have made is for the very same reason. I am completely confident in myself. The negativity of others has no effect on me other than empowerment. I am better for people like him. What matters in this situation is how I feel about myself, and as far as I am concerned, I am a beautiful, strong, loving woman who any man would be lucky to have. No one can convince me otherwise. From reading this blog, we can conclude that I've reached a sort of enlightenment as my new friend Malik Yoba put it.
I would like for you to be enlightened as well. I thought of a story I had heard as a child where a poor boy meets a Princess but doesn't realize she's royalty. They fall in love, but as soon as he finds out she's the Princess, he shies away and revokes his love for her. She loves him but he doesn't feel like he's deserving of her because he is a commoner, or maybe he's scared to be with someone of such high stature and so he ends their relationship. This story can very much be compared to my story or even your situation today. Men are intimidated by good women, so when they encounter one they dont know what to do, so they mistreat and retreat. Maybe someone you like doesn't like you back, or someone said nasty things about you. Dont hold your head down. There's going to come a time where someone will see you for everything you're worth and they will cherish you. That guy who said bad things about you is only doing that to cover his own insecurities. Do not give weight to his or anyone's negative opinions of you. Give substance and life to the opinion you have of yourself. Do you love yourself? If you do, you don't care what anyone thinks. Everyone is entitled to their opinion; you just keep it moving. An insecure person would feel the need to further entertain that conversation and in a way try to prove a point or prove themselves worthy. You dont need to do all of that. That person isn't even worth your time or energy. I know it isnt the simplest thing to just not care what people think of you, but the key is to be confident in yourself, accept yourself for who you are, as well as know how to control your emotions. If you get these things under control, you'll be fine. I love myself enough to know that homeboy doesn't deserve me or any girl like me. He deserves to be treated the way he treats women. This attitude has got me through tons of heartbreak and disappointment and with it, no one can get you down or bring you down. So my queens; my good women, if you've ever been hurt by someone's words or a man doesn't want you or love you like you love him, don't sweat it, you're worth so much that their opinion of you means so little.
No comments:
Post a Comment