The Road to Healing

As promised, I want to further discuss what we've been talking about thus far. I really got at my men in the last post, but women, you are not off the hook. No one knows more than me what it's like to be hurt and heartbroken. I wrote with a lot of passion and sympathy for my women because I myself have experienced some of the things I talk about in the last post. I find myself to be often misunderstood by men. For some reason, they see a pretty face and assume I'm easy. This frustrates me more than my words can explain. Just a few weekends ago a guy tried to get me to do shit with him outside a party. I was so disgusted and upset. Why me? What is it about me that makes men think I am just willing to sleep with them? It's upsetting to think about. I have been misused, mislead and mistreated all because men have acted upon preconceived notions based upon my appearance. It is beyond me why men do this. Many times I have ended up hurt because I approached a new relationship innocent and with the best of intentions but also without much thought, only to later realize the other person's motives were undesirable and tasteless. Thinking back, some of the things I have been through could be scenes right out of the most disturbing, heart-wrenching drama. It's crazy. Anyways, I could blame the men who lead me on (and clearly I do), but I would be wrong not to look within myself to see where I went wrong and believe me, I did. I went wrong so many times.

A man once called me naive and when he said it, I knew exactly why and I couldn't even disagree with him. I was naive. I was one of those misinformed girls who believed that even the slightest expression of interest was always genuine. As a result, I have come to understand brokenness. I am familiar with hurt and pain caused by these shameless men, paired with my own naivety. I understand the gaping hole that is left in your heart when you figure out your father didn't love you enough to stay with you or that a man only wanted you for sex. I understand that hurtful yearning for love that just seems so impossible to find. I could have easily accepted defeat and given up on love and essentially on myself, but I came to a point in my life where I had to mend myself, teach myself and pick myself up. I had to look to God to restore me and to be whatever it is I felt was missing in my life. I couldn't continue to make bad decisions that only left me hurt, alone and confused. I made a choice to be healed and do better. I believe it takes a strong woman to work through the hurt of her past, to brush off the dirt and the muck and to unveil the good woman; that diamond underneath for the world to see.

There were so many moments in my life where I almost didn't get up. I said, "I hate men!" and I blamed that attitude on my father for leaving me and not being there for me. I blamed my mother for my timid nature. My inability to say 'no' sometimes was simply because I couldn't. I didn't have it within me. Thankfully I did get up and I stopped blaming others and started making better decisions for myself. Ladies, if you have been where I've been, I want you to get up and do the same. Stop using your pain and hurt as an excuse to do stupid things you're only going to end up regretting. Stop letting men treat you like shit. Carry yourself in a respectable manner at all times. Stop sleeping around, because in 2011 love doesn't mean sex and sex doesn't mean love. Let your actions prove the rumors and name calling and labeling wrong. Instead of walking into situations you know can only end badly, walk away from them. When I was at that party and I walked away from that disgusting man, I walked away a proud woman because I know where I am coming from and I know the agony that could have resulted had I not chosen to walk away. You too can have proud moments. Learn to say no, learn to walk away from situations that can only lead to more hurt, pain and disappointment. Don't wait for someone to come along and help you up. Get up girl! Wipe those tears; brush off the dirt. I know you can do it! Love yourself enough to do it! Finally, never lose faith in love and never stop loving yourself because that love for yourself is where you are going to find the strength to travel the road to healing.