"You are NOTHING!"
Even though I'd laugh at anyone who said these words to me today, I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge the potency and the power these words have, and the impact they had on me when the words came out of my own mother's mouth towards me. I'd laugh out loud had it been anyone else (cause' hello! I'm fabulous), but hearing my mother tell me I am nothing, I could only laugh on the inside.
Let me give you some background information and share yet another piece of the puzzle and another part of my story. I was raised in a single parent home. My mother was raising 3 kids, by 3 different absent fathers, on her own. I grew up thinking I didn't have a father; my mother was all I knew and she was everything to me. In terms of being there for her kids to provide for them, nourish and clothe them, and ultimately taking care of her responsibilities as a mother, she was superwoman in my eyes. Till this very day I don't know how she did it alone and I have nothing but respect and gratitude for everything she did for us growing up. As the years went on, I don't know how to explain it, not even to myself, what exactly went wrong, but all I know is that we needed a mother, not just someone to feed, clothe, and put a roof over our heads, but someone to talk to and confide in, someone to support and encourage us. That we didn't have. I remember her marrying a stranger and not even telling us about it or asking for our opinion. When that went sour, she blamed her kids for ruining her marriage. My mother will be 50 this year but looks as though she is maybe 35, with no effort on her part, but I sincerely feel like she forgot her year of birth as she rivals with her daughters as if she was our peer. She tells us that we are jealous of her because she looks young and gets attention from men. She told me once that I was jealous because she had a man and I didn't. LOL. I just have to laugh, but mostly I shake my head because these aren't the words a mother should tell her child. EVER. I love my mother and I know that if I had time to tell you the entire story, you'd ask me why? But how do you not love the woman who was there for you your entire life, who sacrificed so much to take care of her 3 children with very little help? It's a love I cannot help. I don't blame my mother entirely for her shortcomings because I am smart enough to know that she is a damaged and insecure woman. She's the kind of woman I write so passionately about in this blog and work so fervently to help with every word that I write. The brief history I just shared isn't even a quarter of the entire story and it isn't even really what I wanted to write about because it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, but I believe it to be a good introduction to help you to grasp and really appreciate what it is that I actually want to tell you today.
Sometimes, you have to encourage yourself. I got really sick of being put down and written off and feeling like I wasnt good enough. It came from my mother, it came from my father not being there, it came from every man who ever hurt me, it came from teachers or leaders at church telling me that I'd never amount to anything. I had to tell myself that they don't know what they're talking about. I WILL be SOMETHING! I AM good enough. And look at me now. No, I'm not exactly where I want to be but I know within my hearts of hearts that this young girl who is sitting here typing away is destined to GREAT! I had to tell myself that and believe it with all my heart. I had to encourage myself.
There are too many people out there with no confidence, low self esteem and very little belief in themselves. Poor parenting is a contributing factor. It isn't enough to just support a child financially, you need to act as a parent and be there for your kids emotionally to encourage them. Men who misuse and mistreat women are to be held responsible as well. You use and discard women not realizing the damage and scarring you leave behind. People in roles of leadership are to held accountable also. Everyone has a role to play; everyone needs to do their part, including yourself.
Somehow in my life I was deprived of these positive figures, but the bible says that when your mother and father forsake you, the lord will raise you up (Psalms 27:10). These are words that I held close to my heart as a child and even to this day. I don't know what your situation is and there are so many reasons why we may feel discouraged and worthless, but I want you to know today that "you are SOMETHING!" It isn't the end of the world if you don't have someone who believes in you. God believes in you and although we may not know each other, I believe in you. You may not have someone to love and encourage you, so I counsel you to love and encourage yourself. Be your own personal cheerleader. Encourage yourself everyday. Say to yourself, I am great, gorgeous, talented and fabulous (again, thank you Marianne Williamson!), I AM good enough, I AM worth it, and I LOVE me.
